People say, 'You must be so upset, this is a difficult time, full of sadness and a deep sense of loss.'
I don’t feel like that about mum’s death.
Mum died last week from a 7 year illness with Dementia, we spent her last day together holding her hand, reading poems, singing song, saying goodbye and thank you. She died peacefully with dad holding her hand, a perfect ending.
Mum’s illness took her from us many years ago, when she forgot my name, repeated the same thing over and over, then stopped talking, stopped smiling, stopped singing and stopped swallowing, she died a week later.
She was cared for by dad, until he became ill from the stress of her illness and with great difficultly and guilt placed her in the care of Normanhurst care home in Bexhill. They looked after her with love and when she could walk no more moved across the hall to the nursing home, where she died peacefully in her room with sea views.
I mourned mum when she moved into the care home, it felt like she had died. Then last Christmas when she didn’t wake up one day, I cried for nights imagining her funeral and over time saw her fade away day by day.
I looked up grief on the internet and found there are 7 emotional stages of grief are usually understood to be
-shock or disbelief
I feel at peace with mum’s death, I have accepted Dementia was her fate, I’ve thought about our relationship and her love, kindness and hope. I feel inspired to do good and help others.
Meditation has helped me this week. Life is busy with a feisty 3 year old. GG head butted me at bedtime on Tuesday, it hurt so much, I retreated to bed and sobbed to clear my head and sleep. Sleep is important and so is crying.
Luckily I had a day to myself on Wednesday and found time to spend 20 minutes meditating, crazy ideas pop into my head, I notice them and return to focusing on the breathe.
Take 5 minutes. Sit or lie quietly and focus on your breathe, deeply in and out. Thoughts will come to mind, notice them and then back to the breathe.
I’m hosting a Memory Walk in London for mum raising funds for Alzhiemer’s Research UK.
Dig out your best Christmas Jumper and meet me on Saturday 2nd December. Blackfriars Station at 11.30am I’ll be on this train. Please join me.
Mum loved Christmas, big gatherings of family and friends. Everyone is welcome.
And my GG at Tate Britain this week to see Rachel Whiteread
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Have a great weekend, what ever you do.
Love love love,